Biting my tongue

The other night I got into a conversations with a man outside my church.

In the course of the conversation, he began to reveal more about himself than I really wanted to hear - I got the sense that he is a lonely, needy individual.

As part of his revelations he disclosed that after his wife died he lived with a woman for seven years. He said they had not married because she was receiving Social Security benefits from her husband - I got the impression he had died - and if she married the benefits would end. He argued that a lot of women do that, and that is was somehow okay to just live together like that.

I suggested that he consider getting to confession as that was a serious matter.

He brushed aside my suggestions, noting that I was moral because I was a Franciscan, and because I had to obey such rules because of my job.

So ... basically he was saying sexual morality was okay for me because I was religious, but was not required for him. And that money trumped morality.

I suddenly remembered Dorothy Day responding when people called her a saint that she did not want to be dismissed that easily. In other words, by making her a "saint" she was somehow able to do the things she did, but since they were not saints they could rationalize not doing those things. She did not appreciate that - and saw it as a way to avoid responsibility.

As for the man, he goes to church and is involved with a church ministry. But he seems to have a shallow understanding of his faith.

As I noted, I got the sense he was a lonely, needy - and confused - person. I was tempted to say more, but I thought if I pushed the issue it might drive him away. Maybe there's hope for a conversation later.

So I bit my tongue.

For now.

Pax et bonum