Inflicting Dad Jokes

For my Secular Franciscan Fraternity I produce a weekly newsletter, Living Stones Notes. I include announcements, upcoming events, and formation/educational articles.

I always end the newsletter with "A Little Humor." 

Most of that humor is in the form of Dad Jokes.

After all, we are the "Brothers and Sisters of Penance".

Here are a few of the recent Dad Jokes.

My dad used to work 12 hours a day to put food on the table.
He was a great man, but he sure was a slow cook.

Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

Last night someone broke into our house and stole a dozen eggs.
They also left a saucepan filled with warm water.
Police believe it was poachers.

Who built the Round Table for King Arthur at Camelot? Sir Cumference.

There was a priest who was determined to hear God laugh. He asked his Bishop for advice. The bishop told him that, being the Father, God must love dad jokes, and that God is closest to us on Christmas. He also gave him a list of the best puns in the history of mankind. So, every year for a decade on Christmas, the priest would tell one pun during adoration and wait for laughter. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Did you hear about the guy who tripped over a frozen newspaper in his driveway? Apparently he fell on hard Times.

I’m terrified of elevators so I’ve been taking steps to avoid them.

Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs. It’s because they are Inca hoots.

A hardcover copy of “A Christmas Carol” just fell on my toe. It hurt like the Dickens.

Did you hear about the shoelace that got coal for Christmas? It was on the “Knotty List".

A pirate went to a doctor and said, “I have moles on me back.”
The doctor looked at the moles and said, “It’s okay, they’re benign.
The pirate replied. “Count again, I think there be ten.”

Pax et bonum