In cleaning out some old files, I came across old performance reviews from previous jobs.
Some of them were not good.
Indeed, I left a couple of jobs after bad reviews - usually voluntarily, sometimes not.
I quit my last job in part because of a review I considered unfair. It was my choice to leave, but there was still a bad taste in my mouth.
However, in looking at some of those previous bad reviews, I saw some patterns.
I grumbled defensively in every case about the review being unfair and inaccurate.
Yet some of the things they criticized me for - some of the things I got defensive about - were fair criticisms. I tend to offend with my sense of humor. I tend to come across as arrogant. I tend to be sarcastic. I tend to seem angry and hostile. I tend to have a hard time interacting with others and relating to them.
I've always tried to excuse my words and actions by saying I have an off-beat sense of humor or that I'm reserved. Those traits may be true of me, but I relied on them as excuses rather than trying to change or grow when I could or should.
Now that I'm starting a new job, I'm working on making a conscious effort to watch my words and to interact better with others. I'm trying to smile more and to focus on the positive. I'm trying to bite my tongue when I want to make some smart aleck or critical remark. I'm trying to make time for others, to listen to them and to show them that I care about them.
With God's help, maybe this time I'll get it right!
Pax et bonum