Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Here come the blues

Yep, it's that time of the year again.

Summer is coming to an end, and so school looms.

I normally get a bit out of sorts at this time. Routine, students, papers, administrators, paperwork overshadow the final days of August. The reclusive - and admittedly lazy - me begins to get uneasy.

Still, I usually look forward to seeing the students again.

But this year, my favorite course, one I was very successful at, has been taken from me. As a lure for a new teacher? Because of the stress and work load I struggled with last year? Because people made assumptions that weren't true, but couldn't be persuaded that they were wrong? I don't know.

But basically I don't want to go back. Really. If I had another reasonable offer, I'd give notice.

I had a dream that says a lot. I went into my classroom. My large desk had been replaced by a smaller one. The shelves behind my desk where I stored folders and papers were gone. The things I'd had on the shelves, and on and in the desk, were in boxes on the floor. My plants - from my father's wake and funeral - were gone. It was as if I was being kicked out. That's how I felt. The dream woke me up, and I couldn't get back to sleep.

I feel angry, bitter, embarrassed, anxious. I keep praying. I keep trying to turn to role models. But all the negativity still festers. And I feel the blues coming on.

Lord, be with me.

Pax et bonum

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