Rule of nature reminder trashed

A recent paper by the U. S. Institute of Physics restating and upholding the Law of Gravity is meeting with charges of unfairness, insensitivity, and being out of touch.

The paper stated that gravity exists, that all planetary bodies are surrounded by gravitational fields, and that the measurable effects of gravity are affected by mass and acceleration.

These statements drew immediate criticism.

"The Pharisees of the physics establishment are trying to impose an outdated law on us," declared Patchouli Dumhuvud, a Rochester, N. Y Reiki master. "We have learned so much about various forms of energy and how to channel them in recent years. And there have been so many advances in technology that also allow us to negate that law We need greater flexibility when if come to gravity."

Courtney Kruller also said the law is unfair to those who are clumsy or weight challenged.

"This law discriminates against those who have trouble with gravity," declared Kruller, vice president of the International Crystal Cooperative. "Stating this law in this way is so insensitive to them."

Albert Newton, spokesperson for the Institute, pointed out that the paper was simply reminding the world of a law that was already in place.

"There was no desire to create a new law," he explained. "We have all been equally subject to the law of gravity, and all we were doing was reminding people of what's been accepted and true for centuries."

Such explanations do not sit well with those angered by the paper.

"We can change our hair color, our noses, or the definition of marriage," Dumhuvud contended. "Why not a law of nature?"

In response to the report, the Los Angeles-based Anti-Gravity League has begun circulating a petition calling for basing the law and all such laws on either a vote or an opinion poll.

Pax et bonum