There once was a young man from Gates,
whose skateboarding tempted the fates.
He tried a new trick,
but landed on brick -
now six months of rehab awaits.
whose skateboarding tempted the fates.
He tried a new trick,
but landed on brick -
now six months of rehab awaits.
A sweet-toothed baker named Sue
paused to decide what to do.
She sampled, you see,
a spoonful, or three,
and now all the frosting is through.
There was a young lady from Old Miss,
whose favorite pastime was to kiss.
She kissed Tom, Dick, and Harry,
Moe, Shemp, Curly, and Larry,
that puckering miss from Old Miss.
There was a young lady from Ealing
who put on a dress too revealing.
There were 14 sprained necks
and two auto wrecks
when she walked down the main street of Ealing.
The thing that startled Miss Cryder,
was not the mortician beside her.
It’s when she beheld,
the pan that now held
the insides no longer inside her.
A mad doc from South Aldersgate,
when asked why he never does date,
said, "Dating's a pain,
and so I'll refrain.
Besides, I can make my own mate.”
There was a young man from Belaire
whose head was deficient in hair.
He tried ev’ry lotion
and nostrum and potion,
but none could cut down on the glare
There is a young lady in Kuhn
who simply can’t carry a tune.
When she starts to sing,
the birds all take wing,
except for a tone-deaf old loon.
Community players most brave,
a performance of "Tempest" once gave.
Said a wit, "Now let's see
if it's Bacon or he -
that is, Shakespeare - who's turned in his grave.
An earnest young preacher named Breven
droned on about deadly sins seven.
Although he meant well,
his style was pure hell,
and drove many a lost soul from heaven.
There was an old lady from Greece
who signed a 90-year lease.
She hoped death would pause,
when he read the clause
that gave no release from the lease.
A young man once went off to college
intent on gaining some knowledge.
He learned lots they say,
about new ways to play
and that’s how he flunked out of college.
The orating mayor of Fort Bragg,
died when he crashed in his Jag.
Some wits noted later,
he met his creator
thanks to a faulty air bag.
At Halloween, ghosts misbehave.
They howl and shriek. They rant and rave.
They pop into view;
do nasty things, too.
So be warned - and get off my grave.
A bellowing bowser named Bruno
had a master who moved up to Juneau.
Now Bruno liked trees,
but in Juneau things freeze,
so Bruno’s now barking soprano.
At the apple fest I took a peek
at cars displayed there for the week.
I soon grew dismayed
to learn that cars made
my birth year are now called antique.
The truth about Orville Van Vleck
was revealed soon after the wreck.
His bride of one year
discovered her dear
left two other widows Van Vleck.
There once was a man with a wife
whose moods were the bane of his life.
When he did her in,
he said, with a grin,
“Divorce causes much too much strife.”
There was an old man with a wife
whose moods were a source of great strife.
At his murder trial,
he said, with a smile,
“Paroled from that sentence of life.”
There is an old lady from Gates,
Who keeps talking `bout what she hates.
Children, the weather,
The French, whatever –
No wonder she’s had seven mates.
whose favorite pastime was to kiss.
She kissed Tom, Dick, and Harry,
Moe, Shemp, Curly, and Larry,
that puckering miss from Old Miss.
There was a young lady from Ealing
who put on a dress too revealing.
There were 14 sprained necks
and two auto wrecks
when she walked down the main street of Ealing.
The thing that startled Miss Cryder,
was not the mortician beside her.
It’s when she beheld,
the pan that now held
the insides no longer inside her.
A mad doc from South Aldersgate,
when asked why he never does date,
said, "Dating's a pain,
and so I'll refrain.
Besides, I can make my own mate.”
There was a young man from Belaire
whose head was deficient in hair.
He tried ev’ry lotion
and nostrum and potion,
but none could cut down on the glare
There is a young lady in Kuhn
who simply can’t carry a tune.
When she starts to sing,
the birds all take wing,
except for a tone-deaf old loon.
Community players most brave,
a performance of "Tempest" once gave.
Said a wit, "Now let's see
if it's Bacon or he -
that is, Shakespeare - who's turned in his grave.
An earnest young preacher named Breven
droned on about deadly sins seven.
Although he meant well,
his style was pure hell,
and drove many a lost soul from heaven.
There was an old lady from Greece
who signed a 90-year lease.
She hoped death would pause,
when he read the clause
that gave no release from the lease.
A young man once went off to college
intent on gaining some knowledge.
He learned lots they say,
about new ways to play
and that’s how he flunked out of college.
The orating mayor of Fort Bragg,
died when he crashed in his Jag.
Some wits noted later,
he met his creator
thanks to a faulty air bag.
At Halloween, ghosts misbehave.
They howl and shriek. They rant and rave.
They pop into view;
do nasty things, too.
So be warned - and get off my grave.
A bellowing bowser named Bruno
had a master who moved up to Juneau.
Now Bruno liked trees,
but in Juneau things freeze,
so Bruno’s now barking soprano.
At the apple fest I took a peek
at cars displayed there for the week.
I soon grew dismayed
to learn that cars made
my birth year are now called antique.
The truth about Orville Van Vleck
was revealed soon after the wreck.
His bride of one year
discovered her dear
left two other widows Van Vleck.
There once was a man with a wife
whose moods were the bane of his life.
When he did her in,
he said, with a grin,
“Divorce causes much too much strife.”
There was an old man with a wife
whose moods were a source of great strife.
At his murder trial,
he said, with a smile,
“Paroled from that sentence of life.”
There is an old lady from Gates,
Who keeps talking `bout what she hates.
Children, the weather,
The French, whatever –
No wonder she’s had seven mates.
