Forgiving

Forgiving is difficult for me.

I remember words and actions. I easily take offense - whether or not it's intended.

I "forgive" - but allow resentments to linger and fester.

This lack of truly forgiving has led me to break off relationships, to quit jobs and groups, to leave organizations. I even refused to go to my high school reunion.

I have in the process alienated people, including many former friends. 

The most recent example is an editor/publisher who regularly published me, but who failed to publish some poems I thought should be published and who responded to a query in a way that seemed to me abrupt and dismissive. As a result, I did not go to a conference where he was to be a speaker. I have mentally decided not to submit more poems, and to let my subscription to his magazine lapse.

Silly. Petty.

Today at Mass I prayed about my hardness of heart and lack of forgiveness, 

God, forgive me.

Pax et bonum