Profession - perhaps in August

At last night's formation session, the formation director for my Secular Franciscan Order fraternity noted that we had just one more lesson to go - we will do it in March.

Then he said that a final profession ceremony will likely be held for our area this summer, based on when the Franciscan priest who celebrates the profession Mass and services here is available (he has to come up from New York City). There are several candidates from the other local fraternity ready for profession, and it seems my fraternity thinks I'm ready. Generally, the professions here are held in August.

I am ... excited, reflective.

I have been working for this day for several years now with the SFOs, and I have a life-long attachment to Franciscan beliefs and spirituality. I have been searching for so long for a spiritual path, a way to grow, and, to be honest, a check on my more lazy, selfish, sinful side.

But at the same time I feel so unworthy. I don't mean that in the "Hey, look at me acting all humble" way.

I really do feel that my prayer life is not as strong as it should be.

That I too often give in to the temptations that nip at my soul.

That I'm prone to be non-Franciscan in the my words and thoughts. Harsh. Sarcastic. Judgmental.

And I fear that when people look at things I do and say they will remark in incredulity, "He's a Franciscan?"

Profession is not an end, of course. It doesn't mean one is a finished product. It's just one more step in the ongoing process of spiritual growth.

That won't end until I stand before God.

Pax et bonum