Every year (except those pesky covid ones) The Society of Gilbert Keith Chesterton holds a national conference. This year right now it is taking place in Milwaukee.
I am not there.
While I have attended the Rochester regional conference every year, I have never attended a national one. I hate travel and staying in a place other than home. I'm not comfortable around a lot of people I don't know very well. I'm quirky that way.
At the conference, they have a clerihew contest. In the contest, they have first, second, third places, and honorable mentions in three categories: Before Chesterton, During Chesterton, and After Chesterton. There's also a poem picked out as the "worst" and another picked as the "best." In keeping with the nature of clerihews and the personality of Chesterton, it's all done in good humor.
I've submitted by e-mail in the past. I did so this year:
Before Chesterton
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
sat in her parlor frowning.
Robert had bought her something labeled "Serra da Estrela cheese,"
that clearly wasn't Portuguese.
The replacement Apostle Matthias
was chosen by lot, not by bias.
Alas, except for his selection.
he's eluded all other historical detection.
--- During Chesterton
Hilaire Belloc
walked off the end of a dock,
but being in the middle of a debate,
he failed to recognize his fate.
Lord Peter Wimsey
was never deterred by evidence flimsy,
but his confidence suffered years of strain
when faced with the mystery of Harriet Vane.
--- After Chesterton
Alfred Hitchcock
developed a bad case of writer's block
despite his use of a bran muffin
as the MacGuffin.
As an actor, Tom Baker
was more of a character than a heart-breaker.
But I think his Doctor is worthy of a clerihew,
even though at mention of his name some folks just say, “Who?"
In the kitchen, Julia Child
was amusing but never wild.
To fill that void
we had to rely on Dan Aykroyd.
Megan Rapinoe
picked up a banjo.
As she played a tune on it,
she sang, "That #$@&*! is full of %@!#*"
I don't know if I will win, or, if I do, when I will find out. They usually print the winning entries in an issue of Gilbert in the fall.
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