Wearing the Tau

After posting previously about wearing my Tau necklace in public - a sign of my membership in the Secular Franciscan Order (albeit, just as a candidate at this point) - I have been trying to wear my cross when I can (and when I remember!)

At work, where I can't wear it in the open, I wear it under my shirt or sweater.

Outside of work, I try to keep it out in view.

It's a public witness. So far, though, no one has asked or said anything. I have seen a few eyes stray to the cross, but that's about it. Maybe its mere presence is enough.

But this morning I discovered another purpose.

I stopped at a coffee shop after morning Mass to pick up coffees and treats for my wife and me. I was wearing my cross.

As I turned to leave, I spotted an attractive young women at a table. Being a normal male, I glanced at her.

She looked at me. I got the impression she was looking at my cross. (I'm an overweight middle-aged guy, after all.)

My glance was quick and harmless - not a stare or an ogle - but the thought occurred to me as I walked to my car: I was in my actions a public witness, and in wearing the tau, I was a public representative of the SFOs.

I thought of priests and how careful they have to be in all they do and say in public.

Maybe this will help me to remember that all my actions, gestures, and words send a message to others.

Pax et bonum

Sigh - Satan tosses one my way

We all face temptations. All of them can harm us, but we are often susceptible to some more than others.

My weak spots involve the flesh.

I had been doing well for a while, but the other night my wife was watching a movie I had never seen. I wandered in to sit and read. I kept glancing up, though.

The movie dealt with various kinds of carnal behavior, sometimes with humor, but also with violence. And then there appeared the requisite gratuitous nudity.

I left the room.

But the next day, some of the images and lines kept popping into my head.

As I was driving. As I trying to say my rosary.

I tried my old standby prayer to battle thoughts: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Repeated over and over.

It would work for that moment, but the images would come back.

I was reminded of the story of two Zen Buddhist monks.

They came to a ford of a stream that was running high, and the current was strong and frightening looking. An attractive young lady was standing at the ford, looking nervous. She clearly was afraid to cross, but had an important reason to go across.

Without a word, the older of the two monks lifted her in his arms and waded across the stream, and placed her safely on the far bank. The younger monk looked shocked at this action, but kept his silence for quite some number of miles as they continued their journey. Finally, he blurted out, "You know that it is against the rules of our order to have any contact with women. How could you do that?"

The older monk replied, "I put her down when I reached the other side of the river. You, on the other hand, have been carrying her this whole way."

I suppose some people can watch such movies - though, to be honest, from what I saw there was little of redeeming value in the film (the Bishops rated it Morally Offensive) - but given my own weaknesses, I can't . I have to be careful what I watch, what I read, and what I listen to.

I am a sinner.

Those stories of St. Francis battling temptation by rolling in snow or even thorn bushes make sense to me!

Pax et bonum.

How about a little Franciscan music?

Pax et bonum

Public Witness?

Today the Good Looking One and I were going out to pick up some bird seed and to stop for lunch.

As I got ready, I picked up the Tau Cross I received when I became a Candidate. I debated whether or not to wear it where it could be seen.

Part of the debate is because of a report we had at our last meeting. That report said Secular Franciscans need to "evangelize" more, need to promote the Secular Franciscan Order more. At my local fraternity we certainly could use more new members: I'm the only Candidate.

There was talk of maybe placing an ad in the Catholic newspaper, or perhaps sending out bulletin announcements. Meanwhile, I'm meeting this afternoon to help launch a blog for our local fraternity as one way to do this. I've also begun to think of a Facebook account to help get our local fraternity some more public presence.

But then there is the Tau.

Do I wear it in public as a public witness (except at work, where it would not be allowed)? If I'm a member of an order, shouldn't I be like members of other orders - priests, brothers, women religious - who wear distinctive garb or symbols as a public witness to their vocation?

I chose not to wear it. I need to talk to some other members of the fraternity. I also seek others' input.

(UPDATE: Now professed since 2011, I wear the Tau everywhere, though I did keep it discrete for the time I worked at a place where it was not allowed. I left that job shortly after I professed, so I've been public since. It does prompt questions and discussion.)
Pax et bonum

Now I am a Novice

Last night I was officially accepted as a Candidate (Novice) with the Secular Franciscan Order.

I knew it was coming, but I had not known it would be last night.

I arrived for the meeting of the Glory of the Most High Fraternity when I was told it would take place. I was asked if I wanted to take this next step. I said yes, though in my heart I wondered if I was worthy, if I was living the Franciscan vocation well enough in my daily life, if I was truly being a person of prayer and penance.

We had a brief ceremony, with Scripture readings, and then I was presented with a Tau Cross to wear and a copy of The Rule.

I will be a Candidate for the next 18 to 36 months now, after which I will be able to profess.

It is wonderful - joyful - frightening - because of all that it entails.

This is not just joining a club.

This is not just a social activity.

When I profess, this will be a commitment to a Gospel way of life in a Catholic Order. This is a vocation. This is life-long. In all that I do and say I will be a witness for the Church, for Franciscans.

Father, be with me. Give me the strength I need.

Pax et bonum

Positive Penance

As part of my formation, I read some selections concerning penance.

My notions about penance tend to focus on two areas.

The first is about making up for sins. Penance is the things we do to atone in some way for those sins - saying prayers, giving up something, doing something of a spiritual nature.

The second is about uniting in love with Christ in his suffering. It is sharing in that suffering in some way - during prayer by meditating on what he experienced.

But the selections touched on an idea that I had really not thought about.

We perform acts of penance to help clear away all those things in our lives that keep us from seeing God and his love clearly. It is working to remove all the obstacles to accepting God's love - the greed, the lust, the gluttony, the pride.

The hatred for the body that Francis spoke of is not a negative rejection of the flesh - it is a recognition that there are some aspects of the flesh that blind us and keep us physically, emotionally and spiritually unhealthy. So, for example, we give up sexual activities not because sex is bad, but because those particular activities separate us from God.

We give up these things so that we are open to the love of God that is always there, always showering us.

Penance then becomes a way to become healthy individuals, individuals who recognize what is true, what is real - the Love of God. Even when we face physical infirmities, the effects of aging, the mental and emotional pressures put upon us by the world, we still have a healthy view of reality. Thus while in the eyes of the world we appear to be suffering when we face such troubles, we are actually fully healthy in spirit.

We are full of joy, for we realize how loved we really are.

Alleluia!

Pax et bonum

Good Friday Meditation

Thank you Lord

for your two great gifts -

the gift of your birth

and the gift of your death -

for it is through both

that we have been saved.

Pax et bonum