Friday, November 23, 2012

Satan sez ... I'm Dreaming of a Black Friday

It gets better every year.

Black Friday. Love the sound of that.


Black as death. Black as sin. Black as hell.

It's all just part of the plan ever since Adam and Eve. Tempt the weak links. Cull the herd. Draw them in with goodies.


Except now ipods, laptops, plasma televisions, clothes.


Take a bite.

I can't beat that Christmas story - kid, angels, shepherds, stable, Wise Guys. Damn, that's good writing.

So go back door (my specialty). Bury it in conspicuous consumption. Stretch it out until it loses meaning. Cheapen it until it loses sacredness. Start the ads in September. Get Santa in the mall ever earlier. Drive Nativity scenes out of public places.

Like a good con, get their eyes off Jesus. Merry Christmas becomes Happy Holidays. Replace St. Nicholas with a fat, jolly fake Santa Claus.

And then there's Black Friday. Celebrate greed and self-centerdness. Get them out of the house and away from their families. It was great when I got them to open the stores before dawn on Friday. Long lines waiting to worship. Ah, but now, opening on Thanksgiving Day. Draw them away from family even earlier. Divide and conquer. Maybe even get them irritated and agitated and violent.


Oh, and get them to say it's a family tradition. We stand in line in the cold with family members, or at least the ones who have been seduced. And thousands of others.

A family tradition. Right, just like Baal and all those babies.

Next year, maybe I can convince them to open the stores even earlier on Thanksgiving.

Or on Christmas.

Black Friday. Genius.

Pax et bonum

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